Underoos Attraction Story

I developed this story based on an event in my own life from an early age. The story is half true, half good ole' entertainment (just like most movies based on a true story). Telling a personal story allows you to demonstrate personality and give someone a glimpse into your world, without having to convey it in a boring or logical way. Additionally, when an interaction you're having seems to be falling apart, introducing a fun story can reinvigorate life into nearly any conversation. So, before this post falls apart, let's ignite it with my story:

Hey, do you guys remember Underoos? So,
check this out-back when I was in Kindergarten, we had Show and Tell day, right?
You know, kids brought in this cool stuff like puppies and stuffed animals.
(Yeah, you’re a total stuffed animal girl, aren’t you…).

I didn’t really know what to bring in, but then at
the last minute, I thought of something brilliant! I’d just gotten some new
Batman Underoos for my birthday. (Yeah, Batman!...You know you like it…)

So, I’m all excited and I get right up in front of class and just DROP
my pants to show those Underoos off! Apparently, I had this little bulge in my
pants, and well…I guess Batman wasn’t the only thing they were looking at…

OMG (while my hands are covering my crotch), stop checking me out, girls
are such perverts. I mean, there I was with all these kids staring and laughing
at me! Finally, Mrs. Block jumps in and I think she’s gonna save me.

But, guess what she said- She just looks and says “Ok, Batman…you can
put away your little…”superhero”…Jeez, you guys are still laughing at me.

This was TRAUMATIC! Man, two years of self-esteem therapy down the
drain! You guys suck!

-Zack

"Hi"-The Forgotten Opener...And Female Interest

In AoA, it's always talked about-what you open with doesn't really matter. My night out, once again confirms this seemingly too obvious concept...

Here is my brief story of the events of recent night out: Basically, I had just walked into a bar and wanted to be social to warm up. As I am slowly strutting through the place, my eyes lock with a girl and what has now become instinctual for me, I smiled comfortably and (drum roll please.....) said "Hi".

She smiled and said "Hi" back. At this point, I knew attraction was DONE. I introduced myself, shook her hand and didn't let go for a good 10 seconds and then just kicked back and vibed from there. We hung out for the next few hours and had a great time.

Another no longer surprising revelation for me is that if you know what to look for, girls will nearly always give you subtle signals (i.e. "Hi" with a smile) that they are interested. I must admit that if this was a year ago and a girl responded this way, I would have chalked it up to her "just being friendly", not realizing that she is actually subcommunicating "I am attracted to you".

Sidebar-When I coached AoA a few months ago, a girl walked up to one of the students at a bar and asked him for the time. He responded with something like "11:30" and the girl walk away disappointed. She didn't really want to know what time it was...She was with her friend who could have easily given her the time. Not to mention, I'm sure she had a cell phone which has the time on it...

This girl was subcommunicating to the student: I'm attracted to you, I'm making the first move in the best way that I know how as a girl and if you make any effort to respond back with anything more than the actual time, I will converse and flirt with you...

I talked to the student right after it happened and he honestly needed a bit of convincing from me to believe that the girl was attracted to him and that he should re-engage her in conversation.

The next day the student started re-telling the story in the workshop and right after he mentioned that a girl walked up to him and asked him for the time, Sean Newman interrupted him immediately and said "You know she was attracted to you, right?". At this point, both me and the student looked at each other and started cracking up...

Girls, for the most part, are waaaaaaay more subtle than guys in showing interest. They are not going to drop a bomb on you and start clamoring "pick me". By the same token, as guys, we often do not have to do much to get girls to show their interest.

I highly recommend just walking through a bar/club with a big smile, solid eye contact and then saying "Hi" to any girl that crosses your path. If she reciprocates, you can usually just introduce yourself, make a statement, ask a question and then chill.

Don't worry about having any high octane attraction material or routines. If you use them after the introductions, they may actually even hurt you...

I know both Sean Newman http://seannewman.blogspot.com/2006/09/destroy-approach-anxiety-today-today.html and the good old newbie mission from The Game have talked about just saying "Hi" to strangers in the daytime, but IMO, you can do it just as easily at night, as it's VERY low risk and a great way to get more comfortable doing approaches and becoming more social.

-Zack

The High Five Opener

THE HIGH FIVE OPENER is a great way to open and has been pretty effective for me when I've used it in select venues. No, it's not rocket science, but I think that is why I like it so much...

I first experimented with the High Five opener when I took the Art of Attraction at a very loud, late night spot in NYC (Union Bar). Girls seemed to respond to it for the most part and I then realized that, in the right environment, it could be more powerful than actual words as a means to start an interaction.

We all know the importance of non-verbal communication and the High Five reinforces this idea. So, without further ado, here are some of the many reasons I like the High Five opener:

1) First and foremost-You're creating a physical connection right off the bat.
2) It's very low risk-if you get a lukewarm response, you can easily walk away without feeling "blown out". You can also likely re-open with something else later in the night because you are now familiar with the girl.
3) It speeds up the process of gauging her attraction with a variation of the hand test-instantaneous feeedback if she interlocks, holds, or squeezes your hand.
4) It's VERY effective in: bars that are very loud, crowded, have dance floors and or/clubs-I've walked right up in the middle of the dance floor and just high fived a girl and then started dancing/talking to her.
5) It's one of the only good ways to approach moving girls in bars. When a girl is walking through a bar/club, most people wait to approach until a girl gets to her destination, has stabalized and is not moving. However, if you put your hand up with a warm smile and give the vibe of a social, outgoing guy, a girl will often STOP moving and give you the high five. Once she has stopped and you have her attention, you can open with whatever you like.
6) There is something instinctively fun about high fiving someone as it puts both of you in a good state. It's probably the whole re-living childhood thing that everyone loves...
7) You can go right into additional kino and create a stronger physical connection-thumb wars, pinky love, the rock, etc.
8) It subcommunicates confidence and friendliness all in one, without being sleazy or making a girl uncomfortable.
9) It's unique and separates you from other guys who approach. Go out to a bar/club and see how many people actually open with a high five. Not many...
10) Girls may actually assume that you already know them if you are high fiving them before even saying a word. Don't be surprised if you get the puzzled "Do I know you?" look.

So, what do you say after this great non-verbal opener. Here are a few things that I have used:

-Comment on her hand temperature (i.e. wow, your hands are a bit cool, you haven't been dancing enough tonight...Good thing you found someone who can show you the way.)
-OMG, your hands are so warm, just like your smile...
-Rate her high five skills (i.e. pretty good, I'd give you a 7 out of 10-I think you're just a bit out of practice-we can work on it though...)
-Very impressive! Your high five skills are a force to be reckoned with...

Best of luck.

-Zack

The Art of Attraction

I just coached at the Art of Attraction (AoA) workshop in New York last weekend and it got me thinking what a freakin' amazing workshop it really is...We had 12 great students literally transform themselves before our eyes over the course of 3 long days.

At times during this past weekend, I was reminiscing about my experience of AoA as a student and how it had such a profound impact on my life. As a tribute to this greatest show on earth (sorry Ringling Bros.), I am re-posting my review of AoA when I took it last July. Ever wonder how 3 days can change the course of your life, read on...

Art of Attraction Review
Background
I took PickUp 101’s Art of Attraction workshop in New York from 7/7/06-7/9/06. In terms of basic personal information, I first learned about the “community” upon reading The Game in November ’05. Prior to the workshop, I had done about 30-40 approaches with moderate results.

Over the years, I have had intermittent success with women, but always felt like I was getting lucky, instead of getting skilled with women. In other words, I did okay with women, but didn’t always know how or why the attraction happened and would become frustrated when it didn’t.

As a result, I decided to take a workshop as a means to take things up a few notches and truly get this area of my life handled. This is my first workshop experience, but I do have products from all other major U.S. pickup/seduction companies (MM, Juggler, RSD, SS, DYD, Thundercat, Swingcat, etc.). Based on my evaluation of the numerous products that I own as well as through reading workshop reviews from both PU 101 and their competitors, PU 101 seemed to be the most congruent with my style and personality-so I chose them.

The core PU 101 instructors for this workshop were Lance, Sean and Daniel. In a nutshell, I had a fantastic experience with these guys, but since it’s a review, not a public relations piece, I will also offer some constructive criticism at the end to help people genuinely evaluate the merits of PU 101.

Workshop Structure
When you sign up for the workshop, you receive pre-workshop handouts and homework which include foundational material including pickup/attraction theory, breakdown and examples of: opening, main attraction tools, overgaming, blowouts, lockup, and other pertinent information, so that you are familiar with and prepared for the workshop in advance. This was a huge plus as it really cut down on lecture and redundancy during the actual workshop.

The workshop itself is VERY interactive and experiential both during the day and in-field. The day portion of the workshop generally consisted of a couple of hours of lecture sprinkled throughout the day and 5-6 hours of group and individual exercises until field work at night.

Essentially, the daytime portion provided tons of practical exercises with lots of fine tuning and feedback from the instructors, videotape, students and female assistants. The main areas of exercises were:

Daytime-Exercises
Approaching/Opening-You can use your own opener or have one provided for you by instructors based on what is comfortable for you/what you are trying to convey about yourself (i.e. a fun guy, sexy guy, suave guy, etc). Flirting-type openers seemed to be more encouraged and were more popular than neutral/opinion openers, but ultimately, they leave it up to you and will calibrate it for you. You do lots of mock approaches with both men and women and various scenarios are presented for you to practice.

Body Language-You learn how to use your entire body to project strong physical confidence through use of facial expressions, standing, walking, sitting, and hand gestures. These are essential non-verbal communication skills and if you nail them, it really doesn’t matter what you say.

Banter-You learn how to playfully flirt (i.e. something smells great it here, oh, it’s me…) and when/how to use banter appropriately. We would pick a few banter lines and role play/improv them to death. The understanding and delivery of example banter lines thoroughly increased my comfort level to consistently flirt early in interactions and really amp up attraction.

Kino-You learn how to touch early on in an interaction, how to escalate, how to calibrate touch for a given situation, and most importantly, test for attraction. If you don’t know when and how to touch, it will definitely be awkward for both you and her. If you do know, you will generate attraction quickly. Girls can tell how good/experienced you are by how you touch them.

Storytelling-You can use either your own attraction story or one of many field-tested PU 101 attraction stories. The emphasis on stories is that they are to generally be used as a crutch/training wheels to keep you in the interaction or keep the energy up if you are having trouble bantering or vibing and need “material”.

Routine Stack-This is the integration of all of the above areas. Our personal routine stacks were individually developed and practiced as a means to help us generate attraction and have a successful first three minutes of an interaction. The paradox here is that the more comfortable you become with your routine stack, the less you will actually need to rely on it. It’s all about feeling comfortable.

Nighttime-Fieldwork
Fieldwork was scheduled for 3 hours per night at bars for the first two nights (daygame is a separate workshop) with a 2-1 or 3-1 student to instructor ratio. I’m not going to get into specifics about my experience with particular sets because it will make this long review, way too long. However, please don’t attribute the lack of elaboration to having negative results. Both nights we started off by doing warm-up sets in the street or on line at the bars using situational openers (i.e. time, directions, good place to go, etc).

On the first night, me and one other student were paired up with Sean. He was incredible as an instructor because he is so natural and non-routine oriented. He demonstrated very effectively and effortlessly (like a great golf swing), provided solid feedback when necessary and stayed out well past the required 3 hours. At around 4am, we all went to a diner to debrief.

During the first night, opening lots of sets was encouraged as a means to get comfortable with the basics that we practiced during the day. We then would leave the set shortly thereafter and move onto the next one. I opened 20-25 sets and nearly all went very well for me (i.e. I did not get blown out). Due to both Sean and the daytime practice, everything about the evening was low pressure, comfortable, relaxed and consequently, very successful.

On the second night, me and two other students were paired up with a part-time guest-instructor. He was a good guy who was somewhat less involved than Sean, but was very positive, provided some feedback and winged with us a bit. Since I was doing well in approaching and interacting without him, he just generally let me do my thing and focused more on students who needed the instruction.

During this night, I applied my routine stack which was fully developed by the end of the second day of the workshop. Consequently, I only opened about 8 sets (not including warm-ups) and stayed in interactions significantly longer. Again on this night, the instructor stayed out later than required and it became very obvious to me that PU 101 really cares about the students and their results-they do not just punch the clock.

Overall, yes, I met lots of women, got numbers, and kisses over the two nights, but that was secondary to practicing, honing, trusting and ultimately, believing that what I learned during the daytime exercises could/did work very effectively and consistently in-field (with or without an instructor by my side).

Additional Information/Notes
-Lance provided a fashion consultation for all students and made individualized suggestions about wardrobe, grooming, shopping and anything else related to conveying an attractive look.

-Day 2 closing steps, basic rapport and other applicable information to move your game forward (once you are consistently generating attraction) were also covered with lecture near the end of the three day workshop.

-The core instructors (Lance, Sean and Daniel) were superb at both teaching and demonstrating. They were genuine about making sure that each student really got the information and were able to apply it. While the instructors all shared the same overall philosophy, they had different, yet effective styles in communicating their material, but had no ego-EVER.

-The instructors struck a fine balance between keeping feedback positive and supportive, while still being honest and constructive as needed.

-The workshop definitely had structure and a method to the madness, but it was quite manageable and digestible, whereby it was not overwhelmingly linear. One thing would build upon the next, so that you would feel the momentum of increasing skill level and confidence day by day.

-Students in the workshop were at various skills levels, but all seemed to make excellent strides over the three days and approached numerous sets without major approach anxiety.

-Students were able to provide workshop evaluations anonymously on a computer to ensure honesty about individual experiences.

Minor Areas of Improvement
-There could have been a bit more structure related to mapping out the bars that we would be going to in-field as well as in assigning instructors to students. This was done somewhat last minute and caused very minor complications (i.e. waiting on line), but it all worked out in the end. This may run smoother when they run their workshops in more familiar San Francisco territory, where they are based.

-Due to the workshop being in NY, part-time guest instructors, with not always the same skill level/ philosophy as the core PU 101 instructors were employed at night in-field. Additionally, having students meet field instructors for the first time, five minutes before going out with them in-field is probably not the best system to make a student feel totally comfortable. The need to use guest instructors was somewhat understandable due to PU 101 being based out of SF. Again, if you take their workshop in SF, this would also probably not be an issue. On the plus side, they did not charge extra for the NY workshop, even though the core instructors likely had to pay hotel and travel accommodations as well as hire guest instructors and female assistants.

-At times, I would have appreciated a bit more feedback from the instructors when in-field about actual social dynamics at the bars. While the instructors were certainly involved and attentive, I am an analytical person and would have liked more breakdown and play-by play of the environment. There also could have been a bit more proactive, constructive criticism offered in-field upon my ejecting from a set, but it was provided whenever I asked. In the instructors’ defense, I was often in sets and pretty successful (thanks to the exercises) with limited downtime, so maybe they didn’t find it necessary to harp on my minor issues.

-While the workshop was only three days long and there is only so much you can fit in, I probably could have benefited from a slightly stronger focus on vibing-of course, I’m not sure which area of the workshop that I would have wanted to be cut out instead.

Summary
Overall, I would rate PickUp 101's Art of Attraction a 95 out of 100. I had high expectations for this workshop based on the many glowing PU 101 workshop reviews that I had read, but it still did not disappoint. Additionally, I had been signed up and was waiting for nearly four months to take the workshop, so I can assure you that I would be the first to acknowledge if it didn’t live up to the hype. While there were a few small areas that kept the workshop from achieving total perfection, it was pretty damn close.

If you are seeking a workshop that will develop your game very naturally and congruently, then look no further than PU 101. The “community” now seems to be evolving more toward natural and individualized game and these guys are on the forefront of delivering it.

Conversely, if you think that the techniques in The Game are the best/only way to meet and attract women, then find another workshop. PU 101 does not use jargon, force you to use stock routines, lines or anything else that could be considered incongruent, unnatural, demeaning or manipulative.

The bottom line after taking this workshop is that I can go to bed at night and know that what I learned was highly potent and powerful attraction material that will NEVER make me or a woman feel bad about using it. How is that for being confident and congruent?

-Zack

The Sport of Body Language

Body language never lies, not just in the game of pickup, but also in the game of athletics. On some level, we all possess this awareness and understanding of the value placed on confident body language-but, because most men grew up playing sports and not practicing coolness with beautiful women, we are often more likely to accurately comprehend this phenomenon in the arena of athletics.

Allow me to use one of my favorite sports to elaborate upon the subtle, predictable and transferable indicators of confident body language. Anytime, and I mean anytime I go golfing and am paired with golfers with whom I have never played before, I can instantaneously tell who will be gunning for par and who will be spending time searching for their ball in the woods.

How can I accurately evaluate this BEFORE ever seeing a golfer’s swing, you ask?

Body language and physical confidence. Specifically, the body language of the golfer’s SET UP when merely standing over the ball. In the same way that a woman can evaluate if you’re cool or not before you've ever spoken a word, I can tune in to the body language of golfers and unconsciously recognize the subtleties and nuances of a good golf set up with just a quick glance.

Once your antennae are up and you are focused on the body language in sports, you know in the blink of an eye, who is an athlete and who is not.

I’m sure you can remember those days back in summer camp when teams were being selected for Kick Ball and there was this new crop of kids that you had never seen before-but, as the Captain, you had to choose who you wanted on your team.

Was it really difficult to tell who was going to be up at the top of the order and who was going to be riding the bench?

Of course not…you knew instantly and intuitively who the best players/athletes were just by the way they were standing up against the wall and waiting to get picked for the team.

Guess what, when you are standing up against the wall at the bar (hopefully, not for too long), to determine if you will be chosen for a woman’s proverbial team, she can size you up in just a heartbeat, based simply on your body language. I digress, back to adulthood and the body language of the confident golfer athlete. For those of you who have ever played golf, received golf instruction, or have seen a picture of a golfer in a magazine (I know, you don’t see them in Maxim very often), you know the importance of starting from the ground up and getting set up for the swing.

Just look at golfing greats like Tiger Woods and Ernie Els over the ball and you will likely be able to tell that they are the body language golfing equivalents to James Bond.

So, unless you’ve been living under a rock during the past 10 years, you have probably watched Tiger Woods play at least a little golf on television. Time and time again, he just LOOKS like the best golfer on the course and I’m not even talking about his actual swing. Just watch him walk down the fairway, read a putt, talk to his caddie and at the most fundamental level, SET UP to hit a golf shot.

If I were to show you a side by side picture of the SET UP of Tiger and an average golfer, you would probably FEEL a visceral difference between the two. However, from there, you might struggle to put a finger on or articulate what this actual difference is…

Does this sound anything like what a woman might say when she is asked to observe the difference between a man with confident body language and one with ordinary body language? Too many times to count.

Another great golf example of body language is Ernie Els who carries himself in a different kind of confident way. His nickname is the Big Easy and it has nothing to do with New Orleans and everything to do with the relaxed and flowing nature with which he gracefully moves on the golf course and in life.

While we have looked at the sport of golf to this point, this same body language confidence could also be applied regarding athletic success across all sports. When seeing Michael Jordan come off the bench after a timeout at the end of a game, based just on the way he walks back onto the court, you KNOW he is going to make the shot. The same could be said for Derek Jeter when he calmly steps into the batter’s box in a clutch playoff situation-his inner body radiates poise and you KNOW that he will come through with a hit.

Good body language transcends sport and can come in all shapes and sizes. So, even if your personality and body language don’t necessarily reflect the dominant and aggressive Tiger Woods/Colin Farrell type, you could instead be the smooth and effortless Ernie Els/George Clooney type.

Enough talk about athletes and celebrities, let’s get down to the nuts and bolts by dissecting the finer points of the confident, athletic golfer’s SET UP and how it relates to powerful and winning body language with attracting women:
1) First, you must have your weight balanced and evenly distributed between your heels and toes.
2) You should then be standing tall and taking up space with a nice wide stance (if you are hitting the driver) whereby, your feet are slightly wider than shoulder width apart.
3) From there, you should have a tallness in your legs with a slight flex in the knees so that your lower body FEELS relaxed, yet dynamic.
4) Your hips should be open in a vulnerable position with your chest out and your shoulders are back.
5) Moving right along, the arms should hang naturally at your sides and be fully extended without any signs of tightness.
6) Next, when gripping the golf club, there should also be a strong, softness with your hands to further ensure that you are tension-free. (Golfing legend Ben Hogan used to say that he could actually tell how good a golfer was by looking strictly at his hands and how he placed them on the club).
7) Additionally, your head, neck and back should be in alignment and at a slight angle.
8) Finally, you should keep your head still, jaw relaxed, making solid eye contact with the ball and be sure not to fidget or shake with any part of your body.

Once in this position, ideally, you could stand this way for hours and always feel ready to hit the ball down the fairway at a moment’s notice…. Does this description of the confident golfer's setup seem to have some distinct similarities to the alpha male's body language with women? I think so.

But, would any new golfer be able to tune into these intricate details, naturally knowing what to do or even understanding them from looking at a picture in a magazine? Probably not…The same goes for men learning the art of self-assured, attractive overall body language. This bodily form of everyday confidence IS a learnable skill that can be conveyed through instruction, practice and awareness.

In examining the importance of body language in athletes, we should also consider the flip side of the coin. Bad body language can often be easy to spot and once this chink in the armor is detected, any betting man could accurately determine the likelihood of a negative result or performance in the athlete, just by looking at him.

Once observed, we then intuitively interpret this bad body language as revealing feelings of insecurity, discomfort and doubt. On a practical level, professional golfer Sergio Garcia went through a rough patch in his game when he would literally stand over the ball, nervously gripping and re-gripping the club over and over again for periods of 30-60 seconds, before he actually swung it.

After watching this body language disaster (reminiscent of the guy at the bar who is anxiously swaying from side to side, pecking and leaning in incessantly when talking to a girl), do you really have to know ANYTHING about golf to predict that Sergio wasn’t going to win any golf tournaments until he got this significantly noticeable physical quirk fixed? Of course not.

Confidence is manifested through the body and you don’t need to be golf instructor extraordinaire, Butch Harmon to ascertain the golf confidence level of Sergio Garcia. In the same way, a woman doesn’t need to be super-socialite Paris Hilton to detect if you are a man who has confident body language-Rosie O’Donnell could tell just as easily…

Hopefully, now you can understand why I don’t need to see a golfer take a full swing to know how good he is or why a woman doesn’t need to hear a guy say to her “Who lies more, men or women?” to tell how cool he is…

It’s always appeared difficult to hone in on the many subtleties of both solid body language in sports and solid body language in pickup, but once you are more aware of them, they can be learned and practiced (in the mirror, at the bar, at the bookstore, the office, or even on the driving range), until the day arrives when you are ready to play your game.

These skills will often feel uncomfortable or awkward at first because they are new to you, whereby you are not used to consistently using your body in this way. But, over time these postures, positions and movements will become fully internalized, unconscious and automatic.

So, eventually, it won’t matter if you are on the tee at the 18th hole of the Masters with a one stroke lead or you are talking to Heidi Klum at a fashion show, your body will be confidently prepared for any situation.

If you want to develop winning body language for all occasions, check out PickUp 101's Physical Confidence DVD program.

-Zack